I am adding an update to my husband's post about the boys. If you read it, you know how lucky I am to have him as my husband... and how lucky the boys are to have him as their daddy.
Well, today our little Ford made the leap to the bubble c-pap and off the ventilator. He was fighting the vent the past couple of days so despite not having the best couple of days, our doctor decided to give him a shot at breathing on his own with the help of "continuous positive airway pressure"... the bubble c-pap. It was scary, but exciting. Ford's lungs are not as efficient as Hayden's... so we were just waiting to see what he could do, but having faith the Lord would help him breathe and keep him from going back the ventilator.
He is definitely more comfortable on the bubble c-pap, but it is a little more difficult for him to breathe. If he gets upset, he is sometimes moments away from being bagged. He holds his breath and goes into the ugly cry when he can't get comfortable and then his heart rate slips. Luckily we have avoided getting bagged so far today, but he has had his moments where he was on 100 percent Oxygen. I actually did something to help him today. I held him close to my chest... his chest to mine and instantly his oxygen requirement went down to 75 percent. That's not ideal, but better. I just cried because it felt so good to finally be able to do something for my son... something he responded to! There have been a lot of tears today because I just want him to succeed. I believe God will find a way for his healing, but it's that fear of the unknown and blind faith that is such a test day in and day out. I spend a lot of time in the chapel and with some much needed bible verses. I can honestly say that our faith has never been this strong. There are times I want to say why us, why our babies... but I stay away from the "why me's". I just thank God for blessing us with the most amazing little boys who are fighting hard everyday and showing all of us what miracles are made of.
I just can't put into words what Ford and Hayden mean to us. They are the answer to all of my prayers and what Trey and I have been waiting our entire lives for. I now know what I was put on this earth to do... and it is to be "the boys" mother. It's the best gift and job I could ask for... I want for nothing anymore, except for our boys to be healthy and to come home one day soon. We have faith they will.
I always feel a little awkward asking you all, my friends to pray for our little boys because I know you all have things in your life you need prayers for, but I will ask again for the boys and because I know you all care so much for them. Little Ford needs a prayer that he will thrive on the bubble c-pap and will have better CO2 test results and also that he will calm down, need less oxygen and not need to be bagged. Hayden needs your prayers that he will get to room air on his oxygen so he can bottle feed and breastfeed. I think focused prayers work... they have so far. Thank you for your love and support. Boy, do I have an amazing story to tell Ford and Hayden when they are a little older... about the people who helped change their lives and who have already changed ours. I miss Tyler and our home, but right now Ft. Worth is home with our little miracles!!!
Proud Mommy of Ford and Hayden
Sunday March 2, 2008
If you find yourself reading this…and it has been longer than a minute since you hugged your children…stop…and give them a big squeeze…just because!! I know it sounds trite…but do it b/c others haven’t had the opportunity to do so yet!! The key word is yet…we have yet to give them each a big squeeze, but Dana and I know, very soon, we will be holding on tight to each little one…out of the hospital. Yes, we have held them…attached with tubes, but we haven’t really given them the hug that fathers and mothers give each morning and night. With each passing hour and day, we get closer to that moment. The moment when we can give the overdue hug and kiss that we all have been waiting to give. The greatest feeling, is knowing that each night, our little ones are held tight by our Lord and Savior. Dana and I say a quick prayer each time we leave their bedsides….asking Jesus to hold them tight and keep them warm and safe until we get back. I know that our babies know what it if feels like to be touched by Angels…and I get chills each time I think about how many hugs they have received thus far. Thank you Jesus!!! We all go through our daily routines and this incredibly fast pace life that we all lead….and forget all about the simple things….seeing your children smile!! Our boys can find a way to smile through all of the tubes, injections, temperature probes, and pricks. Their smile gives Dana and me so much strength and peace. Who knew that we would be leaning on them for strength? One can not describe what an inspiration these kiddos have been to their father. I mean, who knew that something so small and so sick could be so resilient. I have always heard that big things come in small packages…that saying means so much more to this father than ever before. These two small packages have brought more meaning, more inspiration, more faith, more belief than I ever thought I could retain. Sitting, watching each miracle breath that these two “fighters” endure, brings a beautiful smile to this face. I know that without having God on our side, answering each prayer, we would not have almost 8 wonderful weeks with our twins. And many more to come. As for our amazing twins…they could not have had a better weekend. Thank you all for participating in that with us!! This weekend has given us consecutive days of improvements!! Our handsome Hayden is jumping through each hurdle like Jackie Joyner Kersee…he is steps away from being put into a big boy crib. He is currently about 4 pounds 1 oz. and eating over 8 ounces of breast milk each day. Doesn’t sound like much does it? It is!!! Compared to earlier days when we were talking in teaspoons per day. Full feeds have been crucial to their development and growth in these past weeks. We realize that we are no where near the end of the tunnel…but that light is sure getting brighter. Hayden loves his passy!! He knows when it’s time to eat…and his primary nurses know not to be late with his feeds. Speaking of primary nurses, both Hayden and Ford’s…not going to name names…but THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts!! For keeping not only the boys happy, but keeping us afloat as well. You know who you are!! We could not do this without all of you!! Hayden and Ford thank you as well. As Dana mentioned in the last post, Hayden is no longer on the Ventilator…and Ford is being weaned down on his Conventional Vent.
Speaking of Ford….that little kid has had a fabulous weekend. He has all along been about two weeks behind Hayden. One of our Doctors says that he “resents his brother b/c it was Hayden that leaked early on”…and “he is just taking his sweet little time”!! He too is on full feeds, taking in a tad bit over 8 oz. a day as well. He is becoming more familiar with his passy…not sure what to do with it yet, but doesn’t mind it in his mouth. He too is weighing in at 4 pounds. They both love their tummies…their primary doctor has said that “Premature babies are like turtles…they don’t like being on their backs”. I could not be prouder of these two turtles than I am at this very moment.
Dana and I are so very grateful to all of you…for all the prayers being sent this direction. Thank you for all the messages left on the blog…that still keeps our hopes up and sprits high. I hope that everybody has a blessed week and continue to keep these little ones in your hearts, prayers and thoughts daily. I look forward to the next post…that will be filled with even more triumphs and victories.
- Thank you from a very Proud father of two amazing sons